What happens when you don’t make a serious commitment to one’s blog is just this: no posts in a month. That is unacceptable.
So as I get up the courage to sit down and write what’s important to me, I realize that there is so much to say, so many things that are important, and I just don’t know where to begin.
My life has taken so many twists and turns in the past couple of years that today I find myself really unsure of who or what I am all about. I know what I thought I would be when I was ten and twelve and twenty; but today? I just don’t know. What I want has changed. What I need has changed. How to get there has changed.
There are so many things I want to do and it feels like the time is tick-tock-ticking away. So many days watching television, drinking and smoking, doing nothing; all gone and unable to be retrieved. How does one start all over again? How does one get another chance?
This probably makes me sound like some teenager that just discovered the idea of metaphysics and is tripping out on the idea we could be living in the fingernail of a giant. I guess I am becoming the old man in so many songs, looking back on life and love and wondering what might have been.
The best I can do is try and leave a bit of a legacy to my children and the world. There will be no report on the nightly news when I die. But people will cry because they care and that is all a man can really ask for out of a life.
So this is how I came back to you? All maudlin and melancholy. Yea, this is me tonight: reflective and tired. I get this way when I’m tired. But I am committed to this blog as a metaphor for a life lived half-assed. No more nights of “Ah, I’ll do it tomorrow.” Why would I do that? I mean, this program even capitalizes letters for me. I have no excuse.
See ya tomorrow.
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