Sunday, October 30, 2005

Instant Hero Kit, just $9.99!

Sunday is football day and since my beloved Cowboys took care of the Arizona Cardinals it freed me up to think about something I heard on Saturday. The minds at ESPN were pushing their NFL game on Sunday and the return of Tedy Bruschi from a stroke. Now that is pretty amazing and shows a great strength of will, something I definitely admire in anyone.
But whoever it was that wrote the copy put in something that made me wince. They called his return one of the defining moments of our generation. There has been a lot of sports hyperbole in the past several millennia I would imagine, but to call this an event that will define a generation is insanity.
Isn’t it just perfect in this time of the “Game of the Century” being played every several weeks and a real icon like Lauren Bacall being tortured with the notion that Nicole Kidman is somehow a legend that ESPN would make history out of a molehill? When did you just have to show up to get a medal?
Which brings me to the real crux of this matter for me; when did someone who plays a game, for money no less, somehow become a hero? Isn't that called having a job? Just a really fun one? I always thought doing something heroic was about accomplishment wrapped in selflessness and usually included saving a life along the way?
Here are the top two definitions from

In mythology and legend, a man, often of divine ancestry, who is endowed with great courage and strength, celebrated for his bold exploits, and favored by the gods.
A person noted for feats of courage or nobility of purpose, especially one who has risked or sacrificed his or her life: soldiers and nurses who were heroes in an unpopular war

Farther down the line is this one where they talk about being a man of note, like the heroes of medicine, see also celebrity. Now I don’t mean to be a dick, though it seems that I often am, but I just really chafe under this idea that a celebrity is somehow a hero.
Maybe it’s because I am jealous and just really want to be a celebrity but don’t have the heroic gene to get it done. Maybe the courage that it does take to put yourself out there, drive around with three changes of clothes in your trunk, and send out pictures of yourself every week announcing your day as an extra on “The West Wing” is somehow heroic.
Let me think, sitting in a fox hole while people who want to kill you shoot live ammunition at your head while your best friend bleeds to death next to you, or being able to hit a fastball one out of every three times…. Hmmmm. One says hero to me; any guess which one that might be?
I think that this society has gotten so shallow, so market driven, so brainwashed by television that we are willing to sell our morality for the slimmest chance for fifteen seconds of fame. Because with that fame comes the Great Cash Out and isn’t that really the American Dream.
So is Tedy Bruschi a guy to be admired? Absolutely. Is he a hero, someone who has risked his life and limb to make the world a better place for us all? Not unless he somehow single-handedly kept the Patriots under the spread.
And I’m pretty sure he isn’t from Olympus. No, I think I’ll make my hero’s those people who really deserve it. And I’ll keep my generation defining moments to things like space flight and the Berlin Wall coming down. Those things, I think, are sure not to cheapen our collective psyche as time goes by.

Saturday, October 29, 2005

You want to do what with Harriet?

I was sitting at my desk at work yesterday wondering how Ken Starr would have handled the Valerie Plame investigation when my musings took me to Harriet Miers. You know Harriet, the bestest White House council ever! And I began to think, just how stupid was it to nominate someone for the Supreme Court who has no judicial experience and has never written a word on constitutional law.
Does that mean that I can put my name in for GM of the Dodgers? I saw a couple of games this year and figured I knew a thing or two about what wins games. What I really wanted to know was how stupid is GWB and the people around him. They started a war without any plan for what would happen when they were done, they’ve made billions in dollars of tax cuts that have wiped out the largest budget surplus since the turn of the 20th century, and well, he just sounds stupid.
Yet you don’t get the guy voted the Class of ‘69’s “Most Likely to Puke on His Own Shoes” elected president without a really savvy political machine that knows that every decision influences a great many things. And when I thought about that and I remembered that BelzeRove lives somewhere in the dark basement of the White House it dawned on me. They did that on purpose. They have a plan.
Picking up my calendar there it was, right after 2005. 2006! The very important elections where the Democrats plan on charging up the hill and taking Congress back from the Great Right Wing Conspiracy. And isn’t the GRWC a great big fractured, sniping at itself about the war and the economy and everything else conservative, conservative movement. Everything was falling apart as happens when one group is in power for awhile.
So I thought, was Harriet throwing herself to the lions because she’s stupid? Was she committing hari-kari because GWB is the coolest, neatest, most boss president ever? I don’t think so. I think BelzeRove had a plan and it went like this.
First was the conservative loyalty test. Let’s just do a quick role call and see who’s on board. Sen. Cornyn from Texas, yep. Arlen Spector, not so yep. Chuck Dobson, for sure, most every other conservative, well, we have a problem. I think they used Harriet to ferret out the non-believers and get the vengeance machine ready to shoot them full of holes. There are a lot of black, unwed mothers out there who’s children could have been fathered by any of those Republican Senators.
I think the Numero Uno Reason was that they put her out there to take one for the whole team, the whole conservative movement. This is a group of people who if nothing else loves to get motivated over a cause, especially one that makes them angry. I mean they are already really angry, and spiteful and hateful, but when someone throws some cooking oil on that fat pig of hate it can blow up like a German zeppelin. And wouldn’t it just be like those crazy manipulators of people’s lives to do just that.
Wouldn’t it be crazy to take GWB’s good friend and bestest buddy Harriet and toss her out there and use it to bring the movement back together in preparation for the next very important election. Who else would take it without a whimper?
Certainly if there’s one thing that all conservatives can agree on is that there just isn’t enough conservativism in this country. As long as a liberal breathes, there is the chance we could all burn in hell.
So bring them together in that common cause. Give them Harriet Miers in a time of crisis and unite them before the election year starts. See how much more work we have to do? See how far from our real goals we are? Let’s forget about this long summer of our discontent. This Supreme Court thing needs our immediate attention and we will give it just that. Onward Christian Soldiers!
I know most would say the Harriet was just the blunder of a stupid, arrogant administration that thinks it can do whatever it wants. People do make mistakes, whether they take responsibility for them or not. But saying that would mean that anyone in the White House is human, and we know that’s as far from the truth as anything that has come out of GWB’s mouth in six years.

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Is this thing working

The first time I do anything it always comes with it's own pile of garbage; all of it inside my head. Do I have anything to say is right at the top of this list. Really, do I? Do I care enough about what's going on in the world? Do I care about other people, the state of our country, our planet, and our collective psyche? I really don't want to be one of those people that spends his life worrying about the color of my carpet, who's got the bigger car, or the results of the stock market. I want to be one of the people that stands up and says that I have a point of view and it means something. There is, to the chagrin of my holier-than-thou right wing comrades, no right or wrong. The world doesn't fall into just black and white, no matter how many Tom Clancy novels you read. James Dobson be damned I say! I will not let this world fall into the hands of the people who will use their faith to tear down and enslave, whether they be Christian, Muslim or Jewish. I know I am just one man, but one man can bring down the biggest building with the right kind of explosives.

So I guess there goes my initial trepidation right out the window. I'm just going to put this stuff out there with the rest of my stupid jokes, mindless rants, misguided judgements, and worthless opinions and maybe I can make the worlds axis change just enough to slow down global warming and make Tyra Banks' talk show get cancelled.